The Story of How I Met Your Mother
by moodiful819
Summary: It was supposed to be a simple mission, kill five rogue nin who were terrorizing a small village. Easy right? Sounded simple enough to do, but then again, when is anything in life simple? my first citrus oneshot. review plz. flame if you want. Lemon.


Something I thought up while sitting in my bed this morning. I'm not very satisfied with this one, but it won't leave me alone. And after three days of effort, this is all I have to show for. Sigh. The beginning of the story is told in Kakashi's POV, then normal.

It's mostly humor and romance, but it has some drama, angst, and adventure, but mostly humor and romance. **Now revised for your easy reading.**

_Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto._

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The Story of How I Met Your Mother

It was supposed to be a simple mission, seek and destroy five rogue nins who had been terrorizing a small village near the border. We had quite a few people. Genma, Gai, Sakura, our medic, and myself, Hatake Kakashi. It should've been easy, it was supposed to be simple, but then, it happened.

* * *

CLANG! The sound of clashing metals rang through the air as I dodged a punch. We had come upon the rogue nins after tracking them for three days. We ambushed them, but apparently they were prepared. Guess I underestimated them a bit, but that was something I could berate myself about later.

I disappeared into a tree and looked around. Gai was thrown against a tree and looked like he was unconscious.

'_Guess he was thrown pretty good,'_ I thought as I saw the bare area on the tree as the bark flaked off, Gai slumping to the side. Genma was busy with one, as was Sakura. _'Sakura…'_

Haruno Sakura was my ex-pupil. I remember those times well, dismissing her as the weak one of the group, but when your other students are the Kyuubi container and an Uchiha, it's tough competition. After Sasuke left, Sakura went under Tsunade's tutelage and began to grow stronger each day.

I have to admit, I was hurt. I had ignored her completely to train someone who would betray our home with a technique of my own creation under his belt. I ignored her talent and was forced to watch her blossom before me, in more ways than one. Her strength, speed, and grace mixed with her beauty were a dangerous combination and I found myself scared.

Then, we, the remnants of the original Team 7, found Sasuke's body returning from a mission, the scent of blood still fresh as a torn piece of Akatsuki cloak rested in his clenched fist and we knew, Itachi. We cremated his body and returned home. She was sixteen then. She was 23 now and a force to be reckoned with.

I heard a rustling in the tree next to me and reacted fast enough to block the punch aimed at my head. The nin reared back and tried to aim a punch at me with his other hand as his foot made a sweep for my feet. I jumped, ducking to miss the punch, feeling the air flow under me as we fell. We landed on our feet before charging at each other, kunai in hand.

Our kunai clashed, sparks flying as we fought. I let my gaze wander, taking into account the other battles. Genma and Sakura were still fighting their original opponents and Gai was still slumped against the tree, blood steadily flowing from wounds I had previously missed. I heard footsteps from my right and moved as a katana came down, three pieces of my hairs falling to the ground. I had two battles on my hands now.

I narrowly dodged the thrust to my side only to feel the blow of a punch on my right cheek, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth. I heard a muffled thud and heard familiar footsteps. _'Guess Sakura won. That's one, Genma's two, three, four. Four? Wait, where's the fifth?'_

My eye widened in panic and two of the enemy nins ran at me. I had no time for this and made some hand signs before channeling chakra to my hand, the chirping of birds sounding through the air. "Chidori!"

Two bodies slumped forward on my arms as blood flowed from their gaping wounds. _'Where's the fifth?'_

I heard the whistle of a kunai flying through the air. I tugged my body to avoid the blow and found I hadn't moved. I looked down to see the bodies still resting on my body, dead weight.

'_Shit. These guys are determined to kill me, even after death.'_

I bit my lip as I felt the kunai bury itself into my flesh which was followed by a bloodcurdling scream. I blinked and turned to see Sakura dusting her hands with a satisfied smile on her face as the fifth nin slumped onto the ground, his head missing. All I could think of at that moment was, _'There he is.'_

* * *

The fire crackled and popped as smoke wafted into the night air. Kakashi stared into the flames, trying to lose himself in them, but Genma's howling laughter kept him from doing so.

"Oh man Hatake. That's—that's—that's priceless. Where's a camera when you need one? Do you realize that you—"

Kakashi scowled under his mask, glaring scathingly at the fire. "Yes, I realize I have a kunai in my ass, now would you be so kind as to shut up Genma?" he replied tersely.

A tent door flapped open and Gai and Sakura emerged. "Now Gai, don't strain yourself. Those muscles have to heal for at least a day."

Gai struck his good guy pose. "Yosh! I will do my best for that is the power of youth!" he exclaimed proudly.

Kakashi sighed and Sakura placed a hand tiredly over her face. "Stop being so loud Gai-san. It's a wonder we haven't been attacked yet."

"Yosh!" She elbowed him in the arm and he winced at the chakra-enhanced hit. "I mean, yes," he conceded, sitting quietly on the log next to Genma who was still laughing.

"Who's next?" asked Sakura. She scanned the group. She had just finished Gai, Genma had some bruises, but that wouldn't need immediate attention if any, which left…

"Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi looked up from his Icha Icha book. "Yes?"

"We have to get that kunai out," she said as she stood over him, her foot tapping in the dirt below.

"And what do you want me to do?" he asked in his usual lackadaisical way.

"Strip."

The camp lay in unusual silence. Genma shut Gai's gaping mouth as Gai picked up the fallen senbon and placed it in Genma's mouth. The taste of dirt brought Genma to his senses and he began spitting. Wiping his mouth, he smirked. "So Sakura's playing naughty nurse tonight? When's my turn?" She glared at him.

Kakashi blinked. "What did you say?"

"You heard me. Strip."

"Why?"

"You have a kunai lodged in your backside. Besides the fact you could bleed to death, it could become infected, so strip."

"Do I have to?"

"Your choices are to do it in the tent or out here with Genma watching. I suggest the Genma-less environment."

Kakashi turned to look as Genma who was struggling to hold in his laughter and sighed. "Tent." Sakura nodded and they walked towards the tent.

Genma looked on in disbelief and envy. "Come on Sakura! He gets a kunai to the ass and he gets to have you feel him up?! That's not fair!"

Sakura held the tent flap, a scathing glare directed at the senbon-sucking man. "Genma, shut up before _I_ decide to stick a kunai in your ass and _leave_ it there." Needless to say, Genma was quiet for the rest of the night.

Sakura closed the tent flap and looked to see Kakashi lying face down on a bedroll, his torso bare. "Thank you."

"No problem, but do I have to strip all the way?"

"I need to check where else you could have injuries, besides, you need a physical."

She knelt down, feeling his back and bending his arms. "You aren't going to do the prostate exam, are you?"

"No, I don't have gloves with me."

"Oh."

An uneasy silence followed and Sakura reached for her holster. The sound of fabric ripping sounded through the tent and Kakashi's eye widened. _'Did she just—?'_

"Did you just rip my pants?"

Sakura looked up at the man. "I can't remove it because I don't know where it hit."

"It's in my ass."

"Yes, but I don't know how deep it is in your ass, besides, you have spare pants, so shush."

Sakura scanned Kakashi's body, a hot blush resting on her face. _'Kami, he's gorgeous.'_ she thought embarrassedly. You see, Sakura has a little secret. She has a crush on her sensei. It started with a 16-yr-old Ino pointing out how nice her ex-teacher's butt looked and Sakura spitting tea all over her friend. As time went on, as it always does, she and her old sensei started to bond and she found herself falling for him.

'_Ino was right, he really does have a nice butt.' _

"Everything alright back there Sakura?"

Sakura snapped her gaze up to see Kakashi looking at her from the corner of his eyes. "Y-yes."

Sakura skated her fingers around the wound, which was a few inches from his left thigh, thankful she washed her hands before attempting anything. "It looks like a pretty solid hit and I don't think it was poisoned because you'd have the symptoms. I think he was just trying to sever your spine."

"Or from what I can feel, my nuts."

"Well, you're lucky he missed in both cases then, aren't you sensei?"

"Hn." he replied as she chuckled at his stoic response. She could tell he was becoming annoyed and stopped her laughing.

"Okay, no more jokes. I'll get to work."

Sakura nudged the hilt of the kunai and he hissed. "Want some anesthetic?"

"I'm fine." he gritted.

"You sure?"

"I'm fine."

Sakura shrugged and lifted the kunai slowly, gauging his expression as he let out a hiss of pain. "Kakashi, I could give you an anesthetic. It's no problem."

"I'm fine."

"Kakashi, your legs are squirming. If I pull and you kick, it'd mean trouble for the both of us and I'm sure you wouldn't want Gai and Genma to see like this and hold your naked body down."

"…Anesthetic."

Kakashi noticed her shadow nod on the fabric of the tent and watched it move. He felt her warmth on his arm. "Sorry this isn't local, but the local ones are all at the hospital and the ones I did bring, I had to use on Gai. This agent will basically make you and your muscles relax, understand?" He nodded and the needle was injected into his arm. The effects were immediate, he couldn't believe how relaxed he felt, and he rested his head on his arms comfortably.

"First, I need to wash the area around it." she explained. He nodded and felt a cloth brush his skin. "You should see how much blood is on your leg, Kakashi-sensei! You're lucky this didn't kill you!"

"Kakashi," he said languidly.

"Excuse me?" she asked, the cloth stopping its circular movements.

"Just Kakashi. I stopped being your sensei a long time ago and I don't deserve the title seeing how I wasn't there for you." he murmured.

Sakura clutched the cloth in her hand tighter. _'Guess the medication loosens his control too.' _

"That's not true," she said, returning to her task, "You're the whole reason I became a medic. I hated seeing how people were getting hurt and you're the one who showed me how great my chakra control was."

"But I ignored you for the others."

"Kakashi-sensei, I—"

"Kakashi," he stressed.

"_Kakashi._ I understand. I really do. They were the Kyuubi container and the Uchiha prodigy and I was the weird fangirl with pink hair and good chakra control. There was no way I'd ever be able to compete with them."

"…"

"I'm thankful for the training I had under you. I learned a lot and I never forgot any of the things you taught us. Besides, I'm your friend and I'm still talking to you, right?"

"Right…"

"Then I hold no ill will towards you. There, all clean. Now for the hard part."

Sakura gripped the hilt of the kunai and looked to Kakashi. "This is going to hurt, Kakashi."

Whatever he was going to say was lost as a pained groan escaped his mouth. Sakura held the kunai in the air, blood trickling down the blade, collecting at the point before forming a drop, the blood falling to the floor.

Sakura looked at the gaping wound in his backside. It was two inches in length and Sakura grimaced as more blood began to flow. She took a clean cloth and began dabbing blood from the wound before placing her hand over the wound, her hand glowing with chakra.

Kakashi sighed as he felt her soothing chakra flow through his system, the cell tissues mending themselves. Sakura let her chakra leave his system and smiled, satisfied with her work. "Kakashi, I'm going to give your leg a massage, it'll help with the blood flow."

He nodded and felt her hands move up and down his leg, a contented sigh escaping his lips. _'She's really good. Maybe I should ask for more massages sometimes. There's a crick in my neck, anyway.'_

He felt her hands more steadily upwards and his heart rate quickened, but he ignored it, choosing to get lost in her touches instead. She started humming a small tune while she worked and Kakashi let out a hum of approval. "That feels nice," he murmured.

Sakura smiled to herself. "Massages tend to do that."

"Massages or your touch, whatever works for you."

Sakura froze and looked astonished at the man before her. "Excuse me?"

Kakashi propped himself up on his elbows and looked over his shoulder, smiling beneath his mask. "You know, you look cute when you blush." he said, a deeper blush forming on her face.

He lowered himself onto the bedroll once again and she continued her work, now flustered. "You know, there are a lot of things that make you look cute. You scrunch your nose when you're annoyed, you bite your lip when you're nervous, you also tuck your hair behind your ear and look away when you're nervous."

Sakura stared at him as he listed other various things that made her look cute and her breath was trapped in her throat. "H-how do you know that when I don't?"

He smiled. "I wouldn't be fit to be called a shinobi if I couldn't observe."

She chuckled. "That's true. I'd be dead too. Remember our first mission?"

"Hn."

More silence passed and Kakashi began to talk. "You know, I don't remember being this talkative before."

'_So he's noticed too.'_

"You know, I should probably tell you this."

Sakura blinked. "Hm?"

"I think you should stop hanging around me."

Sakura froze, her hands dropping to her sides. "W-what?"

"Almost everyone I've ever cared for has died and with me being in so many bingo books, it wouldn't be safe. Besides, I'm old, a pervert, boring, cold, and a horrible person."

"But—"

Sakura was cut off when he started to talk again, his gaze faraway. "But you know, I don't want you to leave me. Despite all my bad qualities, I want you to stay with me. Guess I forgot selfish."

Sakura sat with her hands folded in her lap. "Kakashi, first of all, you're only 37. That's not old. We all knew you were a pervert since you started to teach Team 7 as genin, and you're not boring, you're actually a very interesting individual. Also, you're not cold, you're aloof. It's your way of protecting yourself and we all understand that and you're not a horrible person, I'd never care for you the way I do if you were and selfishness is something everyone does. What I don't understand is why you want me to stay by you when I already do."

She took his hand in hers. "I'd never leave you Kakashi, but why do you want me to stay with you so badly?"

She watched Kakashi turn his head and her gaze locked with his, never breaking as he sat up. He clasped the hand that held his and brushed a stray lock behind her ear. "Because I love you."

Sakura recoiled from his touch. "W-what?"

"I love you, Sakura. I want to be with you."

She shook her head violently. _'Why won't it stop hurting? It's something I dreamed of hearing from someone I loved, but why does it hurt so much? Because it might not be true.'_

"No, that's just the medication talking."

"But—"

"No! Stop lying to me, Kakashi! You're only saying you love me because of the medication and I don't think I could live with that!"

Kakashi did the one thing she'd never thought he'd do. He pulled her to him and wrapped his arms around her. Her eyes watered up and she sobbed into his bare chest, his hands rubbing soothing circles in the small of her back. "Sakura, I may be a lot of things, but I'm not a liar. No matter what you think, the meds you gave me aren't affecting my sanity."

"Then why are you saying that?"

Kakashi lifted her chin, her beryl eyes locking with his mismatched ones. "Because it's true Sakura. I love you. You're my everything and I don't want you to leave me."

A silence floated between them and he turned away. "I see. Well Sakura, you can ask for me to stay away. I'd under—"

Sakura pulled down his mask and kissed him fiercely, stealing his breath away. She pulled back and smiled. "Kakashi, you talk too much sometimes. I love you too, now shut up and kiss me."

He smiled against her lips before covering them with his own. His tongue brushed against her bottom lip and she opened her mouth, moaning as his tongue slid across hers. It soon became a heated battle for dominance as Kakashi lowered Sakura into the bedroll. He soon set to work on having her bared before him, clothes flying around the tent as he did so before she lay before him in her naked glory.

Kakashi felt his mouth go dry and Sakura looked sheepishly away as she covered herself with her hand. He smiled and gently pried her hands away from her. "You look beautiful." he whispered reverently. She smiled and gasped as Kakashi kissed and licked the long column of her neck.

Sakura moaned as she felt his hand cover her breasts, his name falling from her lips as his fingers played with her rosy peaks. "Kakashi." she gasped as she felt his mouth latch onto one. More gasps and moans fell from her lips as he continued his ministrations, his hand moving steadily down her body.

Through her lust-hazed mind, she felt Kakashi's hand rub her inner thigh. "Kakashi, what are you—"

"Shh," he whispered against her lips. He covered them with his own, drinking the pleasured sound as his thumb brushed over her bundle of nerves. He let his hand play in the dampness between her legs, Sakura mindlessly writhing under his touch. "Kakashi, please, I need you," she panted.

Kakashi looked up and nodded. Positioning himself against her opening, he looked into her eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

Her answer was a passionate kiss, stealing away any shred of reservation he had. He thrust his hips, not expecting the pained scream that came between them. He pulled away, shock etched into his face. "You're a virgin?"

She nodded, a tear falling from her eye. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "We'll take this slow, Sakura."

She nodded, letting her body become used to the intruder. The pain melted into pleasure and she stirred, her hips moving against his, a hiss escaping her lover's lips as her muscles clamped around him. He moved his hips in reply to her wordless answer, thrusting into her as pleasured mews and moans fell from her lips as he panted against her skin. Suddenly, her body was racked with convulsions as her orgasm swept through her. "Kakashi!" she screamed, a groan following as he emptied himself inside her.

They separated, panting as they both came down from their high. She looked to him as he wrapped an arm possessively around her waist. She smiled at her sleeping lover and pulled the bedroll over them before sleep claimed her too.

* * *

Light filtered through the fabric of the tent, bathing him in yellow light. Kakashi sat up, shielding his eyes as the light shined in them. He looked around, taking in his surroundings. A small moan was heard and he turned his head, only to be met with a sleeping Sakura. It was then that a breeze wafted through the fabric, a shiver going up his spine.

He rubbed his arms, expecting to find fabric but meeting skin. He looked down and noticed his chest was bare. _'Did I take off my shirt?' _

He moved his legs experimentally. _'I'm…naked?' _

He moved his leg again, the feeling of skin on skin sending a delightful shudder up his spine. _'She's…' _

Memories of the night before flooded his mind. Kakashi had only one thing to say to all of that.

"_Shit."_

* * *

Haruno Sakura awoke to the sound of muttered curses and rubbed her eye sleepily. "Kakashi?" she asked, the cover slipping down her body.

Kakashi quickly pulled it up, worry written on his handsome features. Sleep abandoned Sakura quickly and she sat up, staring worriedly into his eyes. "Kakashi, are you okay? Is everything alright?"

"Sakura, I'm so sorry. We shouldn't have—I shouldn't have—"

"Kakashi."

Kakashi looked up at Sakura, startled at the firmness in her tone. "Kakashi, I'm okay with it. I really am. I had a wonderful night of pleasure with the man I loved. The question is, are you okay with it?"

Kakashi stared into Sakura's eyes, conflicting emotions swimming within their beryl gateway. After much pause, he finally spoke. "Yes."

He soon found himself toppled over as Sakura snuggled into his bare chest, smiling happily. Kakashi looked at her awkwardly, not sure of what to do, but he did know one thing.

'_I could get used to this.'_

* * *

The bright daylight blinded Kakashi as he stepped into the morning that day. He lifted the tent flap, moving aside for the pink-haired woman as she followed him. She stretched her arms above her head; the bottom of the black shirt beneath her jounin vest riding up her bare stomach, Kakashi licked his lips. "Hey!"

Sakura and Kakashi looked up to see their teammates run towards them. "Hn."

"Hi you two," Genma smiled. "So did everything go alright last night?"

Sakura colored. "W-what do you mean?"

"Such youthful sounds last night. It makes me proud."

Kakashi sighed, knowing what he meant was not perverted in the least. "Gai…"

Genma slung an arm around Kakashi's neck. "It sounded like you were having such a good time last night. Wish I could say the same," Genma said exaggeratedly. He dragged Kakashi's head down, his face serious. "Seriously man, you owe me. I had to do watch all night with that guy. If he's not spouting about youth, he's snoring, _loudly_. That plus Sakura screaming your name, I'm surprised no one found us. So, can you hook a friend up?" he said, his eyes hopeful.

"No," Kakashi shot.

"Why not?"

Sakura walked over, slipping her arm around Kakashi's waist as he did the same. "We're dating." she smiled.

For the second time in twelve hours, Gai's mouth was agape and a senbon lay forgotten in the dirt. "What?!" screamed Genma.

"You heard her," Kakashi replied.

Gai blinked. "I'm so happy. It's the power of youth my friends. It's brought you two together!"

'_Though I still think that kunai to the ass had something to do with it.' _

"Air! Air!" gasped Sakura.

"Oh, sorry my youthful friends."

Sakura and Kakashi stepped away from Gai's choking hug and dusted off their clothes. Kakashi dissembled their tents and snuffed out the fire. Throwing the backpack onto his shoulders and pulling out his trademark book, he turned back to his team. "Ready to go?"

Gai smiled and struck a pose before throwing on his bag and running after his rival. Sakura smiled and grabbed her bag. She stopped to pick up the forgotten senbon. Dusting it off, she placed it into Genma's open mouth and kissed his cheek before running after them.

Genma raised a hand to his cheek, still tingling from the friendly kiss. He stared at the empty campsite, taking in the small holes in the dirt and blacked sticks before looking at the shrinking backs of his friends. He shouldered on his burden and turned to his friends, waving frantically. _"Wait for me!"_

"Otou-san…"

Hatake Kakashi broke away from his thoughts and looked down into the charcoal eyes of his 8-yr-old son Obito. "Hai?"

The boy tugged at his father's pants leg. "You still haven't told me how you met okaa-san!"

Now, few things could frighten or unnerve Kakashi. To name some would be: 1. Jiraiya canceling Icha Icha. 2. Sakura dying. 3. His son and/or daughter dying. 4. His friends dying. 5. An enemy nin holding his family hostage. But his son asking how his mother and father met, if not already added to the list, it was now. I mean, what would you do? 'I got a kunai to the ass and then had sex with your mom who was an ex-student of mine.' Yeah, that'd be perfect. Not only would it mean humiliation, but Sakura would have a fit knowing her husband soiled their child's mind.

Kakashi felt a hand tugging on his pants leg again. "Well?"

'_Lie, Hatake! Lie like your life depended on it cuz it does!' _

Kakashi smiled. Why hadn't he thought of this before? "Well, your mom and I were on a mission together. We had been friends for a long time and then I got hurt and your mom took care of me and we lived happily ever after. The end." he finished, punctuating the end with his trademark smile. _'He didn't say I couldn't leave out a few details.'_

Obito was about to ask something when the door opened. "Hi everyone!"

Hatake Sakura stood in the doorway balancing a bag of groceries as she restrained her 4-yr-old daughter, Aiko. "Sorry I'm late. Aiko got away from me again."

"What was it this time? Butterfly?"

"Aw, you were close honey. Dragonfly."

"Hn."

"So what were you doing?" she asked after closing the door of their two-story house with her foot.

"Otou-san was telling me how you met."

Sakura's face dropped slightly. "O-oh."

Sakura crossed the room to stand behind her husband. "And what did he tell you?"

"He said you got together on a mission."

Sakura smiled. "Oh!"

Obito eyed his parents suspiciously. "You're hiding something."

They chuckled nervously. "What do you mean?" laughed Sakura.

"You are hiding something."

Kakashi smiled with pride at his son's genius, but hey, when both your parents are that smart and talented, you're bound to pick up something.

Kakashi smiled. "We'll tell you when you're older, but I'm pretty sure you won't want to know."

"Now go play outside with your sister."

Obito regarded his parents before nodding. "Aa."

Kakashi and Sakura watched their son walk over to their daughter and let out a breath they didn't know they were holding. "So what'd you tell him?"

"We were on a mission, I got hurt, you took care of me, and we lived happily ever after."

Sakura looked at him. "Oh really? Is that what happened?"

"Yes. Did you forget?"

"Maybe. I think you need to tell me what happened that night again." she said, an impish smile playing on her lips.

"Or maybe I should show you."

She smirked. "Even better."


End file.
